I want to walk on stilts...naked
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize