Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
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I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
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Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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