dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
