it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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