it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
