There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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