When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
