I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
