I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
