im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
