Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
