Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
this hospital has no fireball
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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