I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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