I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.