Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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