oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Dicks are not precious.