Texts From Last Night

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  (733): View more from

  i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now

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  (733): i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now http://tfl.nu/kg3x
  Replies (3) Good night (2413) Bad night (1194)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.

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  (801): She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid. http://tfl.nu/lqbk
  Replies (11) Good night (686) Bad night (2470)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad

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  (570): the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad http://tfl.nu/6zrt
  Replies (20) Good night (11084) Bad night (785)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?

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  (203): I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night? http://tfl.nu/u6ad
  Replies (6) Good night (5268) Bad night (1317)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.

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  (262): I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom. http://tfl.nu/hw22
  Replies (13) Good night (5662) Bad night (1106)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.

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  (406): he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me. http://tfl.nu/3m0w
  Replies (20) Good night (1507) Bad night (6731)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.

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  (954): He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up. http://tfl.nu/a8fn
  Replies (13) Good night (4620) Bad night (921)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?

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  (865): Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale? http://tfl.nu/nfui
  Replies (4) Good night (980) Bad night (2112)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again

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  (210): he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again http://tfl.nu/vgv1
  Replies (1) Good night (1184) Bad night (831)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.

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  (440): I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire. http://tfl.nu/vw34
  Replies (11) Good night (3146) Bad night (786)
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  (716): View more from New York

  The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.

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  (716): The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man. http://tfl.nu/vdpw
  Replies (7) Good night (2666) Bad night (582)
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  (435): View more from Utah

  Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids

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  (435): Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids http://tfl.nu/id5c
  Replies (13) Good night (1193) Bad night (440)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.

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  (702): I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs. http://tfl.nu/2t39
  Replies (6) Good night (674) Bad night (337)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.

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  (404): I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving. http://tfl.nu/w6a6
  Replies (2) Good night (322) Bad night (437)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed

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  (727): Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed http://tfl.nu/f4j9
  Replies (3) Good night (614) Bad night (207)

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