Just mADE A PArabola og urine
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
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Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
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She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart