he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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