remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
