Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm eating all of the evidence.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
