So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
