Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
