im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize