Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
