Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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