How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
