the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
