I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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