It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
