So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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