i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The air was thick with penises
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
A+ Viking dick
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
