my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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