hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You may now shotgun with the bride
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
