I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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