I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
