Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
