if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
