You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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