i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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