booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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