thus making me awesome and them whores
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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