He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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