Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
