why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
