you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
