Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
