"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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