I'm going to jail i love you
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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