so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
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