FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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