I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
