what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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