I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
