it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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