Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
