I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
