When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize