And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
