I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
