Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
