so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize