i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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