I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
