We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
is wine microwaveable?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
