Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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