"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
