I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
