My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
