God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
