ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
