I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
