my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
