We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
