One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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