I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
