wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
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Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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