Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
