my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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