Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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