Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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