Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
