so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
