The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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