Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
