I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
